In Surprising Move, AFFL Hires New League Commissioner…Who They Hired Is An Even Bigger Surprise!

In a surprise mid-week announcement, the AFFL released a press notice indicating that they had hired a new League Commissioner to take the helm of the league and allow Acting Commissioner Crash to step down and focus on managing the New Orleans Raiders. As unexpected as the news was, who the AFFL managed to land for the job came as an even bigger shock, with the release noting that the league had secured the services of Paul Tagliabue. AFFL League Offices responded immediately to our request for an interview, and EFPN’s Erica Andrews was shocked again when she sat down with the new League Commissioner.

Expecting to be seated across from retired NFL commissioner Tagliabue, Erica learned there had been a typo in the press release when an altogether different man showed up for the interview. Saul Tagliabue is indeed retired, but, as Erica learned, he’s retired from the Wichita, Kansas Recreation Department where he ran the city’s pee wee football league. He had been getting bored in retirement, he told our reporter, and is excited to take on the challenge of running the AFFL. Here are pieces of that interview:

Tagliabue…..“I thought I would really enjoy relaxing in retirement, you know, after a high pressure career with running the league, you know, but I was really starting to get bored. I mean, I’ve already learned to play Stairway on guitar, built a little ship in a bottle, and I’ve been making some beautiful pottery, but I’m really ready for a new challenge.”

Andrews…..“and you think running the AFFL can provide that challenge?”

Tagliabue…..“Oh absolutely. You know, I don’t know if I mentioned it, but my last job was running the league, and one might think that, next to that, running a fantasy football league would be boring, but the AFFL is different thanks to Crash’s wonderful design of everything. We’re coming off of our third season, strong as ever, and ready to move into number four – that’s further than the original USFL got. And since we have been up and running for 3 years, we’ve got a head start on that upstart league trying to cash in on our established franchise names. You know, we’re coming around on the first full year of the new contract rules – and these were really, in my professional opinion, these were really brilliant contract rules that former Commissioner Crash came up with, but you’ve got these contract rules coming full circle, and there’s just a lot to be excited for in the 2022 season.”

Andrews…..“Do you plan to make any changes as the new AFFL Commissioner?”

Tagliabue…..“Well you know I’ve got a lot of experience with the evolution of the game from when I ran the league and all, so I expect that will carry over to running this league as well. I’ve already established what I’m calling the League Telex onto the AFFL League Page, where all official announcements and anything like that will be posted in a continuous scroll all season long. One thing I learned while running the league is that communication is very important. As example to some of the other changes, as spectacular a job as Crash did on the new AFFL contract rules, I’ve reviewed how they performed last season, gone through them, and made several changes to those rules, you know, just based on my own professional experience with running the league. Once the Competition Committee is done reviewing them, and a little more fine tuning is done, I’ll release them to the franchises.”

Andrews…..“Can you give us a little insider information on any of those rule changes?”

Tagliabue…..“Well we’ve closed up some loopholes, offered a few more options, changed a couple of calculations, just some things that my experience running the league made me notice. One thing I want to make note of is that all existing contracts will be grandfathered in wherever there is a new rule.”

Andrews…..“Oh well that’s great, any little tidbit you can give us?”

Tagliabue…..“Well, you know what I’d like to do is just release them to the franchises now, so they can get a look at them, but unfortunately the Competition Committee gets to review them first. That process is being held up because, I’m told, we’re still waiting on a couple of franchises to volunteer for that, but as soon as they do and the whole committee gets a chance to offer feedback, I’m going to get them out there. I’m really not used to this, you know, back when I ran the league things moved along much more quickly, but I guess that’s just the big city for you.”

Andrews…..“And what about any other changes, do you have plans for any other rule changes?

Tagliabue…..“Oh I’ve got a couple of big ideas for the rule book that I think the franchise owners are going to be very happy with. Crash did a truly outstanding job building the framework of the AFFl, but of course, with all of my experience from when I ran the league, I’m going to continue to build upon that excellence.”

Andrews…..“Wanna drop any hints on any of them?”

Tagliabue…..“I tell you what, I’ll give you an exclusive reveal on what we’re going to do about Division names – Crash, brilliant guy, really, really brilliant guy, but colors for the division names was not his best inspiration. Now, I’ve got some experience here from when I ran the league, you know, with realignment and such, we had to rename divisions when I ran the league. We just used geography – you know, this part of town or that neighborhood there, what have you, but I guess that won’t work with divisions created by draft each year. I thought to myself, why not name them after people? People like having things named after them. So I said to Crash, “If there was a Mt Rushmore for football, who would be up there?”

Andrews…..“And who did he say?

Tagliabue…..“Well, I don’t know how many of our franchise owners are fans of Florida football, but for those that are, let me start by saying that Shula just missed the cut. But we tossed around a bunch of names like Shula and Bill Walsh and even Joe Gibbs and Belichek. But a couple hours and several beers later we decided on George Halas, Vince Lombardi, Paul Brown, and Tom Landry for the mark all four of them left on the evolution of the game. I think it’s a good list, and, you know, that’s a professional opinion from all of my experience running the league.”

Andrews…..“So how is this going to work with the AFFL’s division alignment draft? Will the Division Captains select which of these divisions they want?”

Tagliabue…..“No, and you see, this is where my experience running the league comes in, what I’ve done is assigned each of these division names to each of the 4 original divisions in 2019. That carried over to the following season, and then the Division Champs from 2020, became Division Captains in 2021, so I assigned their 2020 division name to their 2021 division color. So this way, Division Championships from 2019, 20, and 21 have been retroactively assigned to one of these divisions, and our IT department has gotten that up on the AFFL Archive Page. Moving forward in the division alignment draft, the division captains will always defend their championship by drafting new teams for their same division.”

Andrews…..“I have to admit, that does sound like a good way of doing it.”

Tagliabue…..“Yeah, that’s because of all of my experience with running the league. By the way, I have my guitar here, tell me if you recognize this song.

At this point in the interview, EFPN reporter Erica Andrews made a hasty exit before the AFFL’s new commissioner reached the first verse of Stairway to Heaven, so Andrews had no report on the Commissioner’s singing abilities, as to his playing abilities, she described them as “adequate”. EFPN will keep you up to date on the developing story of the AFFL’s new commissioner.