1992 – A Retrospective

The Association’s cub reporter caught up with AFFL Asst Commissioner and Coach of the AF#11 Pittsburgh Maulers, Brian “Dangerfield” Purvis, Esquire again recently, this time finding him roaming the halls of Allegheny Junior High, his office apparantly having been turned over to the girls lacrosse coach.  The Maulers have been playing their home games there, just a stone’s throw from Heinz Field and our reporter found Coach Purvis sipping Pepto Bismal from a coffee mug, staring wistfully at the collection of dusty memorabelia in a trophy case.  Again, our reporter was prepared for a brief Q&A, and again, it turned into a rambling monologue only tangentially even related to football.  The transcript appears below:

AF: “Morning Coach.  Any thoughts on the upcoming Highlight Game of the Week between your AF#11 Maulers and AF#18 San Quentin?  Should be a pretty good match, huh?”

Coach: “Let me take you back to a simpler time.  1992.  Bill Clinton is elected President of the United States and cigar stocks boom.  Nirvana releases ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit” and flannel stocks skyrocket.  “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot” is tops at the box office and “Jump” by Motown Legends and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Members Kris Kross, is top of the charts.  Also, somewhere in Cologne, Germany the Centurions are battling the eventual WLAF champions Orlando Thunder in a bitter showdown between two teams that just didn’t like each other.

Those were the days.

Crystal Pepsi, ripped khaki shorts, backward baseball hats. Zima was introduced, Michael Keaton was still Batman, Lisa Loeb Stayed and Steve Entman was the first overall selection.

I know what you are thinking. “Yes, 1992 was amazeballs, but what does it have to do with the AFFL?” Well, let me tell you. 1992 was the first year I played fantasy football. I dominated. I still remember the lineup

QB-Chris Miller-ATL

RB-Lorenzo White-HOU

RB-Marion Butts-SD

WR-Fred Barnett-PHI

WR-Andre Rison-ATL (This was before the TLC lady burned his house down)

TE-Eric Green-PIT

K-Gary Anderson-PIT

D-Houston Oilers

The point is, that was 27 years ago.  I have had 27 years to perfect my craft.  To fine-tune my strategies.  To build up a knowledge base only rivaled by the Ancient Mayans and that guy who won Jeopardy 200 times.  So you would think I would know better than to not start a Kicker and take zero points.  But that is exactly what I did last week.  So basically that is 27 years down the drain.  18 year old me is extremely disappointed. 

So let’s see what is going on around the league shall we?

Nah, who cares?  Everyone knows where there team is.  Let’s focus on the past.  Who were some of your favorite Fantasy Football Players?  They can be ones that were awesome (i.e. Shaun Alexander); busts (i.e. Peyton Hillis after 2011) or ones that are now in prison (i.e. Antonio Brown……wait, the booth is telling me AB is not in prison.  Well he should be).  Let’s have some fun shall we?  In the immortal words of Kris Kross’ Mac Daddy (RIP)

“I’m the Mac and I’m bad give you something that you never had
I’ll make ya bump bump wiggle and shake your rump
‘Cause I’ll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump” 

What’s the matter? You’re not singing along?”

AF: “yeah, ahhh, Coach?  What about the game?”

Coach:  “Oh, right….Good Luck this week to everyone except San Quentin.” 

Brian D. Purvis, Esq.